How do you raise confident and happy children? There are many theories about this on the bookshelf, on the internet, and from people, but what are some things that you can do to help your child gain self-esteem and be as happy as possible? Raising happy and well-adjusted children should be our main goal in life. Well-adjusted children become well-adjusted adults who are able to deal with life and all of its problems.

The first thing to remember is that we as parents cannot make our children happy by the objects that we purchase, etc. Buying the latest toys, video games, or gadgets will not make your child happy for life. It may make them happy for the ten minutes that they play with that toy, game, or gadget, but in the long run, it will not make them happy inside themselves. Raising a happy and confident child means that you give them the tools to deal with life and all of its problems.

Let them fight their own fights. As parents, we want to keep our children from any hurt or disappointment. What we need to realize is that if our children do not learn to deal with their own problems when they are younger, then they will not have the tools to deal with the larger life issues. Letting them learn to stand on their own and fight their own battles can build self-confidence like nothing else can.

Never quit. Teaching them to never give up is a way for them to learn true happiness and fulfillment. Even something as simple as not quitting a sports team because they do not like it is teaching them that we will not always like what we do, but when we make a commitment then we stick with it. Children need to learn that we as adults do not like everything that we do, but we stand by our word. This makes us better people. If they are not good at something, encourage them. Help them practice until they are better. Teach them that nothing comes easy, but the rewards of persistence are immeasurable.

Money isn’t everything. Teaching your children that there are people less fortunate than they are will help them to learn that money does not determine happiness. Let them create ways to help those people less fortunate. This will help them learn more about other people and help them gain self-confidence by teaching them that they can help others.

Listen, listen, listen. Listen to your child. Ask questions. Give them your complete and total attention so they will know that you are entirely in the moment with them. This gives a child more happiness than anything else does. Talk to them as you would anyone else. Children know when we talk down at them and it makes them feel inferior. Talk to them about your day and some of your struggles so they will know that you have problems and have to work through them too.

Children are the future of the world. If we do not raise happy, confident, well-adjusted children, then they will turn into bitter adults who cannot solve their own problems. It is very important to do whatever we can to make sure that our children grow into independent adults. Besides, we want them to be able to take care of us in our old age, don’t we?

Keeping your marriage strong is essential in today’s time. Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, which makes it even more important to learn how to keep your marriage healthy and thriving. Marriage is hard work when you consider you are bringing two people together who have different feelings, thoughts, and values to live together for the rest of their lives. This is bound to cause conflict if you do not work to keep your marriage bond strong. Here are some tips to keep your marriage thriving.

Keep talking. Communication is a vital part of any marriage. Honest conversations with your spouse about finances, children, and your feelings can help the two of you to build a bond that will never break. Dishonesty breeds distrust, which can severely cripple a marriage. Talking about your day and what is happening in your life makes you feel closer to your spouse. Keeping the lines of communication open with honest, frank talk is a great way to get your feelings out there so that your spouse understands you more and knows what you need, rather than you expecting your spouse to read your mind.

Physical touch is important too. Hugs, kisses, and touches are a way to connect with your spouse. With children, it is sometimes hard to find time to really talk and connect, but when you touch your spouse on the shoulder or the back, they know that you are there and that you care about them. This can make a big difference in your relationship. Sexual intercourse is another way to stay connected. You don’t have to have it everyday, a couple of times a week will help to strengthen your connection with your spouse and strengthen your marriage.

Forgive. Your spouse is not perfect and, I hate to point it out, neither are you. You are both imperfect creatures that are going to make mistakes. Wouldn’t you rather forgive than let it build inside you until you are in a rage? Forgiveness means that your spouse understands when they make a mistake that you still love them. That is not to say that you might be irritated at them for a little while, but you will forgive them and pick back up where you left off.

Trust. Trust is something that must be earned and built. It does not appear overnight and there is no magic way to get it. Trust is created by an open and honest relationship and giving your spouse a “soft place to fall.” In this way, your spouse knows that you are their biggest fan and supporter and you believe that they can accomplish anything.

Take time for self. This is very important for both men and women, but women are most likely the ones that do not follow this advice. As women, we get caught up in taking care of everyone around us and our own self gets ignored. Then one day, we wake up and don’t know who we are anymore. This is why it is so important to have your own goals, dreams, and desires to keep yourself grounded.

All of these things work together to make a strong and happy marriage. A marriage should always be growing – otherwise it is dead. Each partner should be working toward making a better marriage. A “perfect” marriage will never be achieved, but with work, your marriage can be strong in storms and sunshine.

If you have children, then I am sure that you wonder if you are doing enough for them. Are you spending enough quality time with them doing healthy activities or is it more of the quantity time spent in front of the television? Television is a major part of family activities these days, but we all need to move away from the television to more healthy activities with our children. I am not saying that we need to throw the television out the door, but we need to monitor what our children watch and how much time we all spend in front of it.

Reducing Television Time
Have you ever counted how much time the television is on in your house? Even if you are a stay at home mom, how much time is the television on while you are working in the house? You may not be physically sitting in front of it with all of your attention focused on it, but it is on and your are half listening or half watching it while you are on the computer, sweeping, folding clothes, etc. If you added up the amount of time that the television is on per day and compared it to the number of hours that you are awake, I am sure that you will be completely surprised to learn that the television is on 80 or 90 percent of the time that you are awake and at home.

When is the last time you turned off the television and played a game with your children or went outside with them? I know you are busy, but before we know it, our children will be grown and we will be wondering where the time went. Housework will always be around, but our children will grow up and start their own families. I am not condoning letting your dishes pile up to the ceiling, but does laundry have to be done when there is just a few pieces of dirty clothes in the hamper?

Television can be used for quality time with your children also as long as it is not the only activity that you do with your children. Mix up the activities – games, outside play, crafts, and television – to create more interest and memories with your children. Children enjoy doing things with their parents and even doing something as simple as letting them help you cook creates quality time with them and strengthens your bond. Use your imagination to come up with opportunities for spending quality time with your children. You may be surprised by how easy it is to work it in to your day and your routine.

Children thrive on attention. If they do not get the right kind of attention from you, then they will try to get any kind of attention, whether good or bad. If you have several children, make time for some one-on-one time at least once a week. This does not have to be a long and drawn out process. It can just be taking one child with you to the grocery store or to grab take-out. Use the time in the car to ask them about what is going on with them and in their lives.

Adding those special quality moments with your child does not have to be and should not be a chore. Your children will appreciate and flourish from any time that you put everything else aside and concentrate your attention solely on them. So put aside your dirty laundry and dishes, and read to your child. You’ll be glad you did!

Lessons Children Bring

Some of life’s greatest lessons need not come from educated adults or philosophy geniuses. Adults, because of humdrum trappings forget that the innocence of children can sprout seeds of encouragement and spirit into our everyday living. It’s amazing what lessons children can bring the diluted minds of so-called matured individuals. If we just observe and listen, we can be witnesses of the young minds’ portrayal of forgotten beauty of this life and the world we all live in.

What is Love?
The Holy Bible, Mr. Webster and millions of other writers around the globe over the centuries have peeled what love is all about in all forms of literary writings there is-poems, short stories, films, novels, etc. Most of us are familiar with lines like “Love is the only thing that keeps me sane” by Sue Townsend, or “There is no power on earth that can withstand the power of love. By loving our enemies, we turn them into friends” by Stella Terrill Mann. They have all been said, or so we think.

How about the children? How do you think they define love? There are moments with children so beautiful and endearing; you know they cherish them for they know they feel loved. Like a hug a mother gives her child after coming back from school, that’s a gentle touch of love children will not exchange for anything. A ready sandwich and glass of juice on the table prepared by a big sister could mean the whole world to a young child. At present, you never know when an act of kindness will draw people together. With children, simple things could mean the biggest stuff toy or the best family vacation; all is love to them- however small, however ordinary.

Saying Sorry
In our imperfect world where each individual finds it difficult to acknowledge his flaws, more so apologize for a wrong thing said or done, we need to see through children’s easy way to say sorry or forgive an enemy. Do you realize that children are quick to utter the words: “I am sorry, can you forgive me?” In playful modes, children can calmly say, “Let’s forget what happened and play” with no dash of hatred or revenge. If this world will be perfect, each individual should come equipped with a forgiving mechanism that he can use to alleviate conflict, differences, discrimination and other forms of prejudices; like that of children. And confidently, this world will be a better place for you and me.

Enjoying small pleasures
Many adults are guilty of being slaves to technology and enticing pleasures like trips around the world, a top-of-the-line cell phone, and the newest collection of high-end bags. They don’t realize that the most satisfying moments are from collections from everyday life. Think of children’s average routine- waking up to kiss and greet everybody, eating what’s served on the breakfast table, saying no to an offer that he doesn’t like, agreeing to a friend’s invitation to play, going home before the sky hits dark and saying whatever thoughts he has in his mind.

Children say and do things without cynicism and they’re happy, which if adults will adapt will bring about new sparks of hope in this world. How many times have you woke up and left the house without forgetting to greet your parents? How many times have you complained why eggs were served to you at breakfast and not pancakes? Was there ever a time that you ever said YES to an offer you can’t stand? When was the last time you did not decline a friend’s invite for coffee because you’re too occupied? And with a nightlife you have, when was the first time you begged off to go to a party because you didn’t want your parents to stay up late waiting for you?

While it is true that adults cannot control the demands of the world for it progresses like we do, it is incontestable that there is banal wisdom in taking things one day at a time. It’s best to know the creation of a special moment and small pleasures. They don’t have to be extravagant at all. Like children, a slice of chocolate shared with friends will do and they can rejoice for it’s already a blessing.

Let’s face it, all of our children will one day reach those dreaded “Teen Years,” but by handling the problem teen correctly from the beginning, you may find these years more rewarding than trying.

Putting aside certain emotional and physiological factors, many of the problems that parents experiences with their teens stem from the fact that a teen is in transition from child to adult. When a child reaches those critical teenage years they begin to realize that they are individuals, and want to assert this new found individually. Along with realizing that they are their own person, they begin to want a sense of independence.

Of course as parents, we must set up boundaries, and the majority of the time a teenager will view these boundaries as an invasion of their space and independence. So how do we deal with this emerging adult who has not quite made it to the age of complete independence?

First of all, we should remember back to the time when we were the same age and factor into that memory the way of life today. How did we feel at that age? What were our dreams, ambitions and our most secret desire’s? Realize that our children are probably not a whole lot different than we were at the same age.

At the same time, keep in mind that society is completely different today, than it was when you were sixteen, and a child’s surroundings will always play a major role in who they are. What is acceptable to the world today, was in no way acceptable twenty or thirty years ago. If you are to relate and communicate with your child, you must imagine yourself as sixteen in today’s world.

This is not to say that we must accept something that we know is wrong no matter what time era it is in, such as drug use. All it means is that we must remember the world in which our children grew up in. You may never be able to completely relate to your teen, but communication will be a lot easier if you understand who they are.

At all times remember that you are the parent, your job is to help your child to always feel loved and secure; offer advice and guidance. When you absolutely do have to set boundaries, explain your actions to your child and let them know why you feel these boundaries are important. It is extremely important to take a few moments and explain your actions to your child. By doing this, they will feel less like a prisoner of their age, and a little more like their parents are doing something for their own good, even if they don’t agree with it.

Be a friend to your teen, always let them know that you are there for them and they can talk to you about anything that they feel they need to talk about. If a child feels secure in their parents’ love, they are far more likely to bring their problems to you, rather than to peers who may not give them the best advice.

Another piece of advice is to let your child express their individuality as much as reasonably possible. Don’t try and mold them, let them grow into to who they are, and always give them encouragement while they are searching for their own place in life. Understand that the strange haircuts and odd clothes are just a passing stage while they are exploring life. As long as it is not harmful, cope with their weird quirks with a smile.

Above all, when your child makes wonderful accomplishments and does truly remarkable things, treat it as remarkable. Let them know always, that you love them and you are very proud of them. When you put all these things together, you may just find that these problem teens are not really so problematic, and they grow into truly magnificent adults.

For those who do truly have severe problems with their teens, it is still important to following these guidelines, but at the same time, seek help for your child from counselors or whatever form seems appropriate to you. The problem may be much deeper than what you as a parent can handle. This doesn’t mean that your child is a lost cause, it just means that they will need even more love and encouragement to grow into that wonderful person that you know they are.

Single life is choosing to live a life unattached whether temporarily or permanently. It could also mean deciding to dedicate a whole life for God’s vocation. The book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” from the author Joshua Harris had this to say about people at their crossroads: “If you’re not ready for marriage, wait on romance.” If you are one of those courageous singles who have taken the challenge not to rush love and marriage, the next question is: “When is the right time to commit?

Romance is one of the greatest things that make us all alive that’s why for one person to give this up so he can wait for the right person is truly remarkable.

Single life – depending at what perspective you’re looking from – is both nurturing and lonely. Nurturing: because you own your time giving you full control over decision-making in your life. Lonely: if you have the wrong values and perceptions on relationships. With this belief, how then can you enjoy life when you’re single?

How being single can teach you things about yourself, to serve others and to establish discipline in your life? Here are some suggestions:

• Don’t get distracted with the fact that you don’t have a partner. What Emory Austin said is true, “Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. But, sing anyway.” And contrary to beliefs, single life is also a full life if you know how to live it without disillusionments.
• Get busy with your studies or work. But, learn to prioritize so you can still have time for other areas in your life.
• Involve yourself in organizations. This way, you will meet more friends and expand your horizons.
• Dedicate time for the Church. God calls certain people to the single life. The Church provides the best positive influences and it is where you can find what God has planned for you.
• Appreciate your life no matter where you stand. Enjoy cheap thrills because happiness is a state of mind. It’s simple to be the happiest in our life if we have less expectations and passive surrender. When people begin to understand that happiness is not about being married or being attached to someone else, it will become clear to us that it is indeed a joy to live a single life.

The “singles” who have embraced single life (either by fate or choice) chose to not give in on fleeting pleasures and decided to re-examine their approach to relationship building. They don’t feel easily tempted. And though they are single, they don’t feel alone. These people have the makings of loyal partners for their attitude towards finding the right one amidst this world filled with promiscuity.

Enumerated below are some signs when it is time to say, “I do”:

• You will know if you’re meeting your “answered prayer” and “perfect match”. Intuition will tell you if he or she is “the one”.
• If you believe you have found the wisdom that will lead you to a fruitful romantic relationship, go ahead and commit.
• When you seem to be ready and you’re at a place where you feel everything is right, start a relationship. But, keep this mind: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLughlin

And lastly, know this: the truth about married couples is also true to single people. Regardless whether you’re attached or not, you will find a common thread that runs through us all; that it takes full commitment to live both lives.

One thing to remember if you are going through a divorce is that divorce can happen to the best of people. No one expects to get a divorce, but there are times that situations beyond our control take charge and lead to a break up. If you are going through a divorce, you can make it a lot easier for yourself by keeping a few things in mind.

When you are emotionally charged, is not the time to be making important decisions. Anger, sadness, and devastation are just a few of the emotions that are common when someone is going through a divorce, but its important not to let these emotions rule your decisions. There are a lot of details that must be worked out in a divorce, such as the division of debt, assets, child custody and visitation. You cannot properly do this if you are overly angry, or feeling so down that the details just don’t matter to you. Either before, or when you file for a divorce, request a mediator who can aid you in working out these details with the other party.

You will find yourself under a lot less stress if you do not have to work out these details with your spouse personally. While going through a divorce, too much personal contact is likely to send the both of you spiraling into a pit of confused emotion. No one needs that extra stress. If you can work out the details with a mediator, you are far less likely to find yourself in a long, drawn out court battle.

No matter what problems brought you to a divorce, it is a must that you understand that you both have feelings and should be treated with respect. Remember, you were married to this person because they were very important to you at some point in time. Do you really want to hurt them as badly as you can? If there is mutual respect, there will be a lesser degree of problems and emotional outbursts of anger.

If there are children involved, it is even more important that you attempt to keep overwrought emotion from coming into play. It is far too tempting when you are angry with someone to use the children without realizing it. Remember, it is not only your spouse you will be hurting, but your children as well. Never use children as a leverage tool or for revenge. You will only end up hurting those that you love the most.

It may be a good idea to seek counseling with your children as you are going through a divorce. The kids may also be having a hard time coping with the situation, and you will want to work out these problems as soon as possible. Help them to understand that you both still love them, and that the divorce has nothing to do with them at all.

Looking at a divorce as if it’s the end of the world is very easy to do when you are angry and upset. It may help a great deal to look at your situation differently. A divorce is hurtful, but it is not the end of the world, it is really a chance for a new beginning.

Parenting and Tweens

Growing up can come sooner to the Tweens — the “no longer kids but not yet teens” of our society. They are the 10-15 year-olds who like to assume a bigger responsibility because they are too excited to be branded as “teens”. They hang out with their older siblings in order to feel accepted and belonged. They spread their social wings as if they are already ripe for hanging out in malls, coffee night-outs or rave parties. It’s fun but unfortunately for them, it’s an awkward stage.

It has always been known, and countless stories prove this, that tweens face a very challenging phase in their adolescent growth. Their travails with their parents and society consist of the usual: peer pressure, curfews, parties, social acceptance and sometimes, rebellion. With these inevitable factors embracing them, what they need most are constant guidance and understanding.

When they don’t dress their age
There’s obviously a problem when your tweens don’t dress their age. Imagine a 10-year old sporting a micro miniskirt and tank top at a children’s party or a 13-year old trying to look mature with pearls on. Remember that popular clothes does not always mean pretty.

Fashion is a favorite outlet of creative expression of people of all ages, including the tweens. Media dictates the trends and trademarks and they are readily made available for everyone in a flick of a wand. When tweens are exposed to an ever-changing fashion industry they can get lost in between. This context may result to disaster and personality confusion. So, be on the know-how when it comes to your tween’s tastes and preferences. Afterward, coach them on fashion – without hurting their feelings- to establish that communication you would need to interact openly with them.

When they don’t speak their age and when they are too ready for dating
Society can be a very complicated concept for the tweens when there’s an absence of parental guidance. Tweens may also not have the intelligence to comprehend the norms and rules of everyday survival. So, once parents see a change in their language, it is effective to immerse yourself in their lives to better understand their emotions and where they are coming from.

Some parents may be shocked to hear their tweens say “Where are we hanging out after class?” or “That guy’s so cute; I’d like for him to ask me on a date”.

Dating, as we all know, is a not-so-well-kept secret and is part of growing up, regardless on how well you raised your children. Professor Jay Saplala, a renowned counseling psychologist and a faculty member of the Department of Psychology at Miriam College, Philippines explains: “Dating provides the context for an adolescent’s mate-sorting and mate-selection process. It lets a tween prepare himself to be more functional in the company of his friends and helps him form his peer group.”

When they rebel
How do you pass on core values to your tweens helpful for their growth without putting pressure on them?

Tweens have the tendency to resist what their parents want for them especially if the person they want to become is the opposite of what is expected of them. Keep in mind that your children should be doing things he likes- not what you want.

Majority of tweens are confused, torn in between choices, in rush for love and excited to grow up too fast. The best way to deal with them is to know them from inside and out and appreciate who they are.

Accept them for who they are
Most parents expect a lot from their tweens and this should not be the case every time. Respect your tween’s own person while motivating him or her to live life to the fullest. As they are given endless opportunities, they discover themselves better. And whether you like or not the person they end up to be, what’s important is that they can turn to you for anything no matter what.